Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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