we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
