my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
