OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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