woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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