idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
