her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Soap is not a condiment
I cannot find my penis.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
