I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
only you would photoshop your dick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
