Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
