well I can't set my house on fire every night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
