sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
