Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont even know how to be here
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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