do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
