hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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