Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
