I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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