apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
