Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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