Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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