I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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