The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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