it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
