Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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