I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
