I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
