is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
