you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
