but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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