The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
