she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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