come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
