We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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