I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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