yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
