Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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