i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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