He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
two words...techno handjob
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
