Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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