at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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