Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
