watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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