i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
