I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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