we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
