He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
