Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
