We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We have started to decorate penises.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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