Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
