this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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