Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
