Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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