waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk is a universal language darling
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