I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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