1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
