Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
